MDDMDD

By MCAdmin

Consider the In-Laws After Your Divorce

If you were married or thinking about getting married again, you need to think about your in-laws and how they could impact your relationship. It’s important to remember that we all have a mother and father and the feelings for your family members may not be shared by your spouse. In-laws are part of life but they don’t have to be the reason you and your spouse can not get along.
One of the keys to a good marriage is the ability to have open and truthful communication with your spouse. If the in-laws have said or done something that you don’t like or agree with, be prepared to have a discussion about what is bothering you with your spouse. It’s important to the health of your relationship for each party to understand what boundaries are needed in order to have a good relationship with the in-laws. Remember also, the need for respect is a mutual, the in-laws need to respect you and your opinions and vice versa.

Enter into the relationship with your in-laws on a positive note. Be prepared to support your spouse and be respectful and welcoming to your in-laws. Try and put your best foot forward in developing a good relationship with your in-laws. However, you need to be prepared to stand up for yourself if they say or do something that you find unacceptable. If this happens, explain yourself to them in a calm and unemotional way but make your point. If they persist with unacceptable behavior, let your spouse deal with his/her parents. There is nothing to be gained by creating a tense atmosphere with the in-laws or for you to dread seeing them.

Try and understand what the relationship is between your spouse and his/her parents. If the relationship was never a good one, it’s not likely to improve now that you are married. Be supportive of your spouse and make sure he/she knows that you support and are always there for him/her. Avoid arguing with your spouse over the in-laws, it just isn’t worth it and could be damaging to your relationship. If your in-laws are particularly hard to deal with, look for a bright side and avoid dwelling on the bad things.

If your in-laws are constantly a point of contention between you and your spouse, consider placing some distance between you and them. If you started off going to their house every week for dinner and that has become uncomfortable for both of you, consider making in once a month. You want to let your in-laws know that you are a team and want to be together, that you are capable of making your own decisions and willing to accept responsibility for all of your actions. Hopefully, seeing the problem in-laws less frequently will eliminate the angst between you and them. If changing the frequency of your visits doesn’t work, you may need to consider moving to a different part of town or city. You need to place your relationship with your spouse ahead of the in-laws.

By MCAdmin

What Are Your Options for a Divorce?

Let’s take a look at some options for divorce other than an attorney.

First, you can check with your county clerk’s office for information regarding a divorce. This office deals with divorce and separation filings all the time and can be a good information source. If you have a lot of assets to dispose of, make more than an average income, have children and no plan for custody or support then this may not be the best choice for you. Be prepared to truthfully explain your situation to the clerk’s office and listen to what they suggest and keep in mind they are not attorneys and handle lots of similar requests for information all the time. If you don’t feel comfortable with their recommendations, don’t give up, you need to look further.

Second, there are online divorce services available. Do some research and look for on-line divorce review site to help lead you through the service offerings. You want to look for on-line divorce services that are cost competitive and offer up to date forms. One of the keys to using an online divorce service is your ability to work out a plan with your spouse that covers assets disposal, alimony, and child support. You and your spouse also need to agree that no one is at fault.

Third, you can use the services of a mediator. A mediator will not be as costly as an attorney but more expensive than a good on line divorce service. If you are confused as to your rights or how to go about filing for divorce, a mediator maybe the right course of action for you. There will be more interaction with your spouse during this process than filing for a divorce on line, so be prepared.

Fourth, you can seek the services of a knowledgeable paralegal to file the needed forms for your divorce. This can be cheaper than the services of an attorney or mediator depending on the complexity of your situation. One of the keys to making this approach successful is how well you and your spouse communicate and how willing you are as a couple to agree on the terms of your divorce.

Fifth, you can seek the services of an attorney. The complexity of your case and the amount of time your attorney spends on your case will determine the overall cost. If you have lots of assets, know that your spouse is going to be difficult to deal with and don’t want to have face to face dealings with him/her, then the services of an attorney is the right choice. Before entering into a formal agreement with an attorney, be sure to understand the billable rate, and ask what you can do to reduce fees if you need to stay within a budget.

Deciding to get divorced is not an easy decision to make. The path you choose can require a lot of time and money and needs to be considered very carefully. If you and your spouse are able to communicate and work out detailed plans for asset distributions, child support and alimony, then using an online divorce service maybe the best course of action. If your financial situation is complicated, you have lots of assets and a spouse that is not willing to talk about divorce, then the services of an attorney or mediator are probably needed. You need to do as much research as possible and understand what filing a divorce will mean to you ahead of time.

By MCAdmin

Life After a Child…

Have you ever heard someone say your life will never be the same after a baby arrives? It was true n my life after my daughter was born. My wife and I accepted the new responsibility of raising our child with gusto and wanted to do everything right even though we were often learning as we moved forward. I no longer wanted to spend long hours at the office, but favored coming home at a more normal time to give my wife a break, especially if her day was a trying one.

We enjoyed watching my daughter grow and took care to expose her to lots of wonderful events that would help her become a good person. I won’t say it was always easy and as young parent money and making ends meet wasn’t always easy. However, we agreed that we were in this together and always tried to talk things through and make decisions as a team.

My daughter has grown up to be a mom now and she is going through the process of raising my grandson. Who I must say, can do no wrong but then again I think I have tinted glasses on when it comes to my grandson. I love to spend time with him and am thankful that he is happy and healthy.

While raising my daughter, my wife and I would sometimes talk about friends who went through divorce and were always interested in the reasons why people separated. We were pragmatic about divorce and realized that it could happen to anyone if you let it.

We agreed on a few basic points that we feel kept our marriage strong especially after my daughter was born.

First, we always tried to avoid arguing in front of my daughter. Sure, we got mad at one another and there were words exchanged but we never went in for the knock down screaming matches some people go through.

Second, we always tried to show a united front to my daughter. If my wife disciplined my daughter, I always supported her especially when my daughter was present. I tried my best not to say yes when my wife had already said no, and I learned to ask my wife first when the words coming from my daughter’s mouth seemed questionable.

Third, as my daughter grew older, we never let her play Mom against Dad. We always showed my daughter that we equal and capable of deciding what was best for her. If Mom or Dad said yes or no, the decision was equally binding.

Fourth, Mom wasn’t the only care giver. I did my best to help with the diapers, feeding, trips to the doctor, disciple and whatever else came up. I always worked full time and my wife stopped her job for the first five years to raise our daughter. When my wife returned to teaching, dividing up the work load between us was even more important. I never felt my job was more important than hers and always tried to remember that she was just a tired as I was after a long day.

Marriage is a commitment to one another and has to be worked at daily. When you have kids, they bring joy but require a stronger commitment to working as a team.

By MCAdmin

Is Your Spouse Controlling You?

The internet says 40 to 50 percent of divorces are caused by a spouse who is controlling.

Your spouse should treat you are an equal and support you in what you do and how you go about your life. You are entitled to have your own your own interests and hobbies, your own friends and lead your own life. Beware of the spouse who always wants to know who you talk to and why, how much money you spent each day, where you went during the day and why, tells you how to dress and is always telling you how lucky you are to have found him/her. These could be signs of a controlling spouse.

Often you don’t see that a person is controlling until you get married and begin to live together. If you have children, some people feel they have to accept their relationship for the sack of the kids. You need to be happy and should not accept an oppressive controlling relationship. It’s unlikely that the controlling behavior will go away, it rarely does.

Here are some things to think about when considering whether divorce is the next step:

Your marriage should be built on trust. You need to be open and truthful with your spouse to build a solid relationship. If your spouse is controlling you, it could be because he/she feels guilty or is inadequate. Think about the scenarios below, do any of these apply to your spouse?

If how you manage or spend money is always a topic of discussion in your marriage, it could be your spouse doesn’t know how to manage money and spends it of frivolous things without telling you.

If talking to a friend of the opposite sex creates an argument, maybe your spouse has cheated on you and they feel guilty.

If your spouse feels all your friends are bad influences, perhaps it’s because he or she doesn’t know how to maintain a relationship.

Does your spouse try to make you feel you are not their equal? Does your spouse always have negative things to say about you no matter what you do or how hard you try to please him or her? Does your spouse want to tell you what to do all the time and treats you like you don’t have a mind of your own?

If any of these apply to your spouse, you are likely to be in a controlling relationship. Your marriage should be centered on trust and each party should be able to make decisions. Each person in the relationship is equal, no one is more important than the other. Respect for one another in your marriage is critical. You are just as important as your spouse. If you are not being treated with respect, it’s time to consider moving on.

If you are in a relationship with a spouse who is controlling you, the likely hood of them changing for the better is very small. If you want to confront your spouse for the sake of saving your marriage, be ready to explain how the controlling behavior is negatively impacting your marriage and you as a person. The conversation may not be successful, your spouse may not want to listen and be unwilling to change their behavior towards you.

You have choices and deserve to live a life without fear and on your own terms.

By MCAdmin

Have you thought about outside events that could impact your marriage?

We are all subject to unexpected changes in our lives. No one can predict the future or what tomorrow will bring. We all need to be ready to deal with the unexpected.

Listed below are a few things we are all likely to face in our lifetime. Each item can have an impact on our marriages if you let it.

Have you ever been in the situation where you have to move your family to another location for work? This can be a very trying time for the best of us. If your marriage is not strong, this could be a reason some people end up in divorce.

If you have to make a move, then consider these things:

Make sure you discuss the reasons for the move with your spouse. This may take multiple conversations with your partner to understand what it actually means to your family. Don’t decide to make a move without your spouse. The more you can talk about your concerns and feelings about moving with your partner, the better off you will be.

Moving to a new location often means finding new schools for the kids, a new home, and becoming part of a new community. Be prepared to make new friends, join in community activities and speak to your new neighbors. These things will help make the move easier for you to get comfortable with. It takes time to do all these things but stay positive and keep communicating with your spouse.

If one spouse truly dislikes the new location, be prepared to understand why. Again, communication is critical to keeping your relationship strong. Give the new location some time but also be prepared to consider alternatives if your spouse is truly unhappy. This can be very stressful for your relationship and marriage.

So you lost your job, now what? Be open and honest with you spouse as to why you lost your job. Be prepared to discuss the reasons, avoid blame and don’t hide the truth. If you were fired, say so, if you quit because you didn’t like what you were doing or your employer relocated out of the area and didn’t take you don’t be ashamed. Losing a job happens and is part of life.

Be prepared to deal with the loss of an income stream. Take a deep breath and deal with the reality that you are out of a job. Don’t focus on who was to blame, you don’t need the extra stress and you don’t need to fight with your spouse over something that can’t be changed. Focus on how you are going to deal with continuing your health insurance, making the house payments, buying groceries. Consider setting up a budget to help determine your key expenses and be willing to set priorities and eliminate things that aren’t necessities until you find a new job.

Look on the bright side of things. Losing a job that you did not like or hated to go to every day is a good thing. Start looking for a new opportunity that you will be excited about. If you focus on the negatives, the loss of a job can put lots of stress on your marriage.

How are you going to deal with the loss of a family member? We all have to face the loss of a loved one sooner or later. The loss of a parent, sibling or child can be extremely difficult for a couple to deal with. You need to remember that everyone is different and how you and your spouse grieve may not be the same. It’s the time to give one another space to make peace with their loss. Be respectful of your spouse and what the loss means to them. Offer support during this emotional time and be willing to listen and help them come to terms with their loss. You need to be sympathetic to your spouse during their time of need, be strong for them. If you don’t handle the loss of your spouses loved one with dignity and compassion, it could be very damaging to your marriage in the future. This is truly the time to be loving and understanding.

By MCAdmin

Are you skeptical about online divorce services?

You are thinking about getting divorced and don’t know about your options. Someone mentions online divorce sites and you immediately become skeptical and weary. How could an online divorce site handle such a complicated process?

Ending your marriage is not trivial. It can be complicated and expensive and take a long time. The legal process for a divorce is complex and can be confusing. There are lots of terms you may not understand and feel only an attorney can handle. You may need the services of an attorney depending on your individual situation and are not convinced this is something you can do online. You don’t want the divorce process to drag on forever and you don’t want loose ends to deal with. If you have concerns about any of these items read on.

Online divorce is not for everyone. In fact it works best for couples who can communicate and work out plans for the division of assets, child support, custody and alimony without the services of an attorney. In the legal arena, if you can work out all of the items above with your spouse, then you have the basis for an uncontested divorce and online divorce is for you.

Now you need to find a reliable online divorce service. A good review site (like DivorceReviewToday.com) will offer an easy to read and understand grid outlining the key features and services offered by the various online divorce sites. Look for sites that guarantee their forms are up to date, are endorsed by attorneys and offer services like a real customer service support person to email or call when you have questions or issues. Also, look for sites that offer a free pre-qualification process that asks you important questions to ensure online divorce is for you.

Once you made the decision to move forward with an online divorce, consider the following facts:

  1. Online divorce offers limited interaction with you ex which lowers the amount of stress and angst while you move through the process. You avoid face to face meetings with attorneys and mediators.
  2. The costs are lower than using an attorney. The fees for filing a non-online divorce often exceed $10 thousand dollars depending on the particulars of your divorce and how many hours of attorney time is needed. If online divorce is for you, the out of pocket expense is greatly reduced and the services of an attorney are not needed.
  3. Up to date forms makes the filing process easier. The form completion process should be easy to understand and ensure all the needed forms are completed. This allows you to avoid costly filing issues and delays with the courts.
  4. Access to real specialists is a plus. You should have access to a real person that you can email or phone when you have unresolved issues. Your site should provide people who understand the divorce process and are available to help you when you need them.
    Look for a service that you feel comfortable with.

By MCAdmin

Is filing for an online divorce right for you?

Ending a marriage is a serious undertaking. Using your computer and an online service may seem out of the question. You might be thinking that divorce is too complicated and requires the services of an attorney.

Online divorce is not for everyone. The best candidates are those who can communicate with their spouse and determine a solid plan for dividing up assets, alimony and child support.

By MCAdmin

How to move forward with your divorce

Your mind is made up and you want to move forward with a divorce but are not sure of what to expect. Here are some things to help you get through the divorce process.

Find out all you can about divorce and the process ahead of time. The internet is a good source of information and don’t forget to talk with friends or family members who have actually been through a divorce. Look for those people that are willing to explain the process to you and won’t cloud their information by going on about their ex. You need to know what to expect, how long it’s likely to take and start to understand if a lawyer is needed or not.

Think about your expenses and how you are going to pay the bills once you let your spouse know that you want a divorce. Ask yourself if your current job and salary will allow you to pay all your bills. If you have kids, think about all the expenses for them as well. Be prepared to ask for help if you aren’t going to be able to keep your head above water when it comes to expenses. If you do borrow money from a family member or friend, go the extra step a sign a promissory note to show that the money needs to be repaid and was not a gift.

Get organized and start to list out all the things you will need to have and do as you begin filing for a divorce. Think about setting up a filing system and keep a detailed calendar of what needs to be done and when. As you learn more about the divorce process, you will start to identify key dates for the filing or forms, meetings with an attorney if he/she is needed and court dates. You also want to keep track of meetings with your ex as well as missed appointments by your ex. Now is the time to become organized and stay on top of all the steps and information you need to complete your divorce.

Think about what you will do if your spouse stops giving you money for the kids or to keep your house. It’s quite common for a spouse to stop paying out money once he/she learns of a divorce especially if it was a surprise. You are going to have to be able to pay for your car, the property taxes on your home, auto insurance, groceries and lots more. If your current salary won’t cover everything, then be prepared to have a conversation with your spouse and try and work some financial arrangement out between you. If you spouse is totally unwilling to speak out your needs and concerns and stops all contributions to you and the support of your kids, you may need to go to court which means you will need the services of an attorney.

Keep focused on day to day activities and stick to a routine. A divorce can be very emotional and confusing. If you went to the gym before the divorce began, stick with your routine and use your time at the gym as a way to clear your mind. Don’t become overwhelmed and don’t think this will never end. Find a few friends that you can trust and who are willing to listen to you. You need to be able to talk about your feelings and know you have someone that is willing to listen to you.

Try and stay positive while you go through the divorce process. If you need to meet with your ex, keep the emotions under wrap and if you feel angry or want to cry, be prepared to walk away and suggest meeting at another time. Don’t feel intimidated by your spouse and don’t feel threatened by him/her. If you have kids, stay positive and avoid conflicts with your spouse since this attitude will pay off after the divorce is final. The kids need their mom and dad once the divorce is final and being able to be civil with your ex is good for everyone.

There will be lots of issues needing your attention during the divorce. The more organized you are the better. The divorce process can be time consuming and confusing so the preparing and understanding what you are in for ahead of time will help you keep focused and avoid feeling inundated. There will be unexpected things as you move forward and take them in stride and focus on each item as it arises. You need to be in control of the divorce process and focus on what you want the outcome to be.

By MCAdmin

Are you thinking about getting remarried?

The statistics for a successful second or third marriage are pretty grim. Reports show that the odds of having a successful marriage on the second or third attempt get smaller and smaller. So, if the statistics are correct, why would you want to get married again?

Here are some reasons people try marriage again:

Some people believe in marriage as an institution. They are not comfortable with just a relationship and want to be formally married. Other people don’t feel easy about a long term commitment without a contract. Some just enjoy being married for the sake of being married.

Some couples feel marriage is a means to financial stability. Combining the incomes and financial resources of each party allows for a better lifestyle than living alone. Moving forward with your life and not having the lifestyle you were accustomed to can be very stressful. However, finances should not be the reason for getting married again and you should never accept a new mate simply for the financial resources he/she brings to the relationship.

If you were married to your ex for a long time, being on your own after the divorce can be lonely and difficult to accept. Some people look for the companionship of a spouse as a reason for marrying a second time.

Maybe the reason for the second marriage is you finally found your true mate for life. Perhaps the first marriage happened for all the wrong reasons and you never had a chance to grow and do the things you always wanted. Age brings wisdom and if you have determined a new spouse is part of your plan than don’t be afraid to go after your dreams.

Are you still blaming your ex for the divorce and not accepting any responsibility for the events that led to your split up? Entering into a second marriage may appear very logical and easy to justify when you believe you weren’t the one that caused or contributed to the break up. However, there are two sides to every story and doing some soul searching as to why the marriage ended is healthy to move forward with your life. If you can’t accept any responsibility for your marriage failing, then you may end up in a similar situation with your second marriage.

Moving forward with your life after divorce is a must. Deciding to enter into a second marriage should be for love and partnership not simply for financial stability. You want to learn from your mistakes and have a happy and fruitful life. Finding the right partner isn’t easy but you deserve to have someone that is right for you.

By MCAdmin

Don’t forget that the children are part of the divorce….

Helping your kids through a divorce is important. You made the decision to move on which was not easy to do. Your happiness is important and you are correct in not sacrificing it any longer for the sake of the kids, but they need help during the transition.

A family breakup is a tragedy for everyone, not just the man and women. The thought of sharing your children with your ex is hard to come to terms with. However, thinking of excluding your ex is not the answer, since the children may suffer. You feel happier and your life moves forward after the divorce but the kids need to understand why the divorce occurred and what the future will look like for them.

Handling the legal aspects of the divorce is no easy task but once that is behind you, you need to focus on your children. Here are some things to consider:

The children need to come first….
Be prepared to tell the kids the truth about the divorce and what it means to them. Don’t let your kids become part of the divorce drama or pawns in the settlement. Before you have your first conversation with your kids be prepared to answer their questions about school, holidays, weekends, living arrangements and any other traditional issue that was a no brainer before the divorce. Be prepared to work together to address any questions your children may have and make sure they understand you both love them even though you are no longer together. This can be hard for both parties and may require lots of patience and time but remember it’s the best thing for the kids.

It’s normal for your kids to be angry but….

Anger should not be a reason to accept bad behavior. You need to stay in contact with your children and make them understand you are there to listen about their concerns. Time heals all wounds but the anger may exist for a long time. Try not to take sides and don’t vilify your ex to the kids. They need your reassurance and be clear with them, they were not the reason for the divorce.

Rules that existed before the divorce need to continue….

Anger in kids can be hard to deal with. You broke the rules by no longer being married and the kids need to understand they have rules to live by and bad behavior will not be accepted in order to get attention. Curfews, nights out during the school week, having dinner together all need to stay intact. Don’t be tempted to let the rules slide because the kids are with you on the weekend and don’t take sides or make your ex the heavy. Have a consistent and unified message that bad behavior is not okay and will not be tolerated.

If professional counseling is needed, looked on it with a positive attitude…

Seeking the help of a professional may be needed. It’s important to get the kids to be open and honest about their feelings regarding the divorce. A professional who understands the reasons for divorce and how it impacts the family and kids is a great resource. Counseling can help everyone involved to reach a common understanding about the divorce and what life means to everyone going forward. Counseling can take a long time and you will need to work with your kids to make sure they understand why they need it. Be persistent and help them understand they need to be honest about their feelings in order to move forward.

Don’t start dating right away….

Remember, you may want to find companionship or another partner but replacing your ex is hard for kids to deal with. Bringing a new person into the family at the wrong time can be hard for the kids to accept. Enjoy being single for a while but don’t let your kids dictate to you that you shouldn’t have a life of your own. Be considerate of your children’s feelings and introduce that new someone gradually to the kids. A new partner needs to be sensitive to the kid’s needs.

1 2 3
Consider the In-Laws After Your Divorce
What Are Your Options for a Divorce?
Life After a Child…
Is Your Spouse Controlling You?